Patriot's Diary # 30: Sheng the lingo of Kenyan Humour

I was on a mission to up my vocabulary in Sheng (colloquial Kiswahili) and my word. It evolves exponentially. The uniqueness and beauty of Sheng is that a new word today is history tomorrow! The Eastern region of Nairobi city is the home and factory of Sheng. As I mentioned in an earlier post; Sheng is the language of standup comedy in Kenya.

We have something similar to the teaser; ‘your mama’ jokes. They are not purely ‘your mama’ kind of teases. But like any comedy of its kind; it’s just to make fun of someone and have a happy time; obviously at the other person’s expense.

Normally mchongoano requires banter. So once someone teases you, you need to tease back, till one person runs out of comebacks! A good one is; Kichwa yako ni soo, uki lala dreams zako huwa in Dolby surround. (Your head is so big that when you sleep your dreams are in Dolby surround)

Simu yako ni mzee; ikianguka inamwaga credo. (Your phone is so old; when you drop it the ‘minutes’ fall out)

Another one that got me rolling on the floor was; nyanya yako ni mzee mpaka ile time God alisema let there be light, yeye ndiyo aliwasha. (Your grandmother is so old; when God said let there be light, she’s the one who turned it on)

The English version just waters down the joke. You need to hear it being said in Sheng it is tear jerking and rib cracking! I was hoping to write this entire entry in Sheng, but let’s just say that I am not that fluent. Here’s a list of different names for persons and, objects and actions in Sheng! You can visit www.sheng.co.ke/kamusi for the right pronunciation. Enjoy Kenya's urban lingo!

Traffic Police; Gova, mabeast, Karau, Sanse, Akorino, masampa, mabanga, Mafisi

Rich person; Mdosi, Sonko

To fight; gwoko, war

To give; niwai, Nige, Nichae, Nigesh

Sleep; Kudoro, Kudoze, kutuna, Kugawa

Car; atmo, dinga

Housekeeper/ maid; aunty, mboch

Boots; avunja, ndula, njumu

Ugly; amebeat, amechoka

Beer; keroro, muwako, gauge

10 shillings; ashara, ashoo, banga, ganji,munde, kwacha, kinde

20 shillings; pound, blue, mbao

40 shillings; arbesa

50 shillings; hamsa, chwani, finje

100 shillings; soo

200 shillings; jilli, rwabe

500 shillings; punch

1000 shillings; ngiri, chuma, brown