Patriot's Diary # 34: The Kenyan Family

In Kenya we joke a lot about the fact that everyone seems to be related to everyone. There are some communities that seem to literally be related to each other, not naming any names; LUOs. But with the intermarriage going on in Kenya soon enough the whole nation will be related. But primarily the average Kenyan family isn’t just the nuclear family; it’s the extended and the extended of the extended family.

Now the reason why most Kenyans seem to be related to each other than inter-marriage boils down to one single element; respect. In Kenya it is culturally unheard of to refer to an adult by their first name, so you’d always have parents telling their children that this is Auntie or uncle so and so, even if there is absolutely no relation. For so long, I used to call my father’s secretary Auntie Florence. I would ask my parents why I had to call her Aunty when there was no relation; I was always told because she is older. I used to find it really hard initially, to refer to my bosses by their first name. It’s something cultural.

But that’s all beside the point. The real reason all Kenyans claim to be related to each other is because we fish out relationships to people. This past Sunday there was a guest at our church who told the congregation that she was related to our pastor. We waited to hear what she had to say; her sister is married to Aaron Rimbui (jazz maestro & producer), whose brother is Tim Rimbui (music producer)who is married to the pastor’s sister. As you may have figured, we all burst out laughing and quite a number of people yelled; ‘Only in Kenya!’ (Above: My REAL cousins & I)

You know you’d think that when someone explains a relationship it will be pretty straight forward, like, she is my sister, first cousin, an aunt or uncle maybe. But not in Kenya, in Kenya you fish out any connection. Even though it is legitimate, we still go the extra mile to fish out every conceivable the connection.

I know I am picking on people but I can also fall guilty of fishing out connections as well. Now mine is not legitimate but it is a demonstration of how far we can go as Kenyans. Now my father happened to grow up and go to school with a gentleman called (I won’t name any names) let’s call him Mr. K. Mrs. K went to the same High school as my mum and her family was pretty close to my Mum’s. Mrs. K’s mother and the Kenyan Prime minister’s mother are sisters, I think…if I am not wrong. And Mrs. K’s baby brother happens to be a politician who is related to the prime minister. Confusing right?!

In that light, I can lie to the whole world that I am remotely related to the Kenyan Prime Minister. See how far we go as Kenyans. Now do not make me start on my connection and ‘close’ relation to President Barack Obama. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe! So the moral of the story, when a Kenyan alleges relation to anyone really find out what the relationship is all about! After all Kenyans are all about family connections!