An African's Dilemma

I will be honest; I haven’t read Purple Hibiscus or Half of a Yellow Sun. I know! I know! Gasp! Shock! My friend tried to convince me to read at least one book, 3 years ago but I was skeptical.  I had never heard of the author and that particular time I wasn’t in the mood to read. Adiche Chimamanda , for those who do not know her is a 34 year old, Award winning Nigerian author. She is International star. I encountered her on a website, www.peceloveproclaimer.org, an acquaintance directed me to.

I read the transcript of her 2009 TED talk, the danger of a one sided story. Adichie narrates her own personal experience of the same, growing up as a middle class Nigerian and living with a certain perception of their domestic help. Because of things her mother would say, Adichie believed that since their domestic help was from a poor family they probably couldn’t actually create beautiful things which they did.

I want you to hear it from her, that’s why I posted the video. 

I just want to pick up  from where she left off. I ask myself what makes me African many times previously on this blog. But at times I honestly feel if it wasn’t for my parents constantly ferrying me off to my rural home. And  also raising us, speaking our ethnic tongue, passing on important tales of the life and practices of my ancestors. I am not quite sure what else would make me proudly African.

For so long as a child I wanted to be the blond  and fair haired, blue eyed girl from the books that I read. I loved the stories of Hansel and Gretel, The ginger bread, man and Rapunzel who let her hair down. All these stories where not mine, of where I was from, but they shaped my world view.

My first time on the continent was at the age of 5. People were stunned that I spoke my ethnic tongue fluently thanks to my mother. I do not have a strong African accent and for years I Anglo-sized the pronunciation of African names and words, because I believed it was proper.

I wanted to be white because I considered being Black and African inferior. I only faced one minor racial experience as a child, which didn’t really bother me much. But there was a subtle message around me that made me feel African was not good enough. After watching Adichie, you understand where it all began. It all began with a story that was told and shared and soon became legend.

I know better now and overcame the self hating phase. But at times I now feel that I am not African enough. I look at West Africans. And I a blown away with how culturally rich they are. Their clothes, their accents, their pride….if you are an East African you would agree with me, West Africans epitomize African pride.

But it is a tussle in my mind of what is ‘truly’ African. 

Is it the thick ethnic accent, the garb, living in the village and preparing food the way it was traditionally prepared. Speaking solely in an African language and shunning English. But I grew up in a fusion of two worlds of culture, Western and African, as is the case of most African’s today. You may not have lived in the West. But you were inculcated through the stories you read, the movies you’ve seen, or music you like to listen to.

I may not have a thick African accent when I speak English, I enjoy Hollywood movies, but I still love traditional ethnic music.

I don’t know if there was ever a traditional dress that my ancestors wore. I wear jeans, t-shirts, trainers, dresses or whatever tickles my fancy. I don’t understand why getting clothes that fit me is so hard in Kenya yet the average African women is curvaceous and with a little extra.

After centuries of reading and consuming someone else’s story, we as Africans may have lost something. But I believe that can be found and restored. And I believe it is being restored one story at a time.