Patriot's Diary # 28: The Kenyan Road trip

As a child I was always shipped to shags. An common term we like to use in Kenya to refer to mandatory trips to our rural homes; shags. When I was in primary (elementary) school I never minded it. Primarily because my mother chose to stay upcountry and I loved making up for the lost bonding time during these trips.

I looked forward to my mum’s cooking, listening to her stories and seeing what she had done in the farm. And of course eat fresh paw paws, mangoes, sugarcane, guava fruits and most of all the Jack fruit (pictured right)! Mmh! I love the Jack fruit; it is so sweet and soft! Yummy!

It was exciting the eight to ten hour road trip. I’d get so excited I wouldn’t be able to sleep even two to three days before the date of departure. I never understood why my brother was never moved by it at all. He was the grouch; he never wanted to go. Until…

When I was 12 years old I experienced my first road trip without my parents! Well, where to begin! I wrestled with an old man for my seat. I know what you are thinking; shame on you, no respect. Well he started it. I sat next to the old, to be politically correct, mature gentleman. We were both comfy, relatively, until he sprawled himself to try and get extra comfy.

This is not a bed; it’s a bus, so he had to make do with what he had! So at some point he gave in and I stopped shoving and poking his shoulder. Then came the eaters! I kid you not; there was someone who kept opening packets of food. You’d just hear a rustling paper, then a smell would saturate the bus and you’d hear munching! This person ate so much it was worrying at some point. Why I say worrying is, unless you work a night shift, your system is not used to continuous feeding throughout the night out of the blue.

So as you may have figured out; the devourer at the back of the bus begun belching at some point and it went on till our destination. Now the smell of hydrogen sulfide is bad enough, but this passenger tore it up! The windows were opened instantaneously in the bus. There was an old lady who kept yelling for the belcher to stop.

It gets better; the passengers who ‘aerate’ in their sleep dropped doses of late night fart works on the bus as well! I know this is a really nauseating, but it was hilarious. It is such a vile situation to be in but that’s what makes Kenyan road trips so much fun!

But the high light comes a few hours later when we stop in the tea town of Kenya; Kericho! In Kericho the hawkers filled the Bus isles with their wares, shoving their tea, roasted and boiled corn in the face of sleepy passengers. And as you may have guessed it; the devouring passengers still bought some more food! (Left: Akamba Bus - a popular public long distance bus company)

Here’s the truth, not all bus trips or public transportation is full of these charades. I was just lucky to experience it all in one night! So the next time you are on a road trip across Kenya, you won’t need a book, just wait for the drama to unfold!