Patriot's Diary # 25: Kenyan Christmas

This is the third time I am writing this entry. I am not quite sure what it is that I really want to say. I know I love Kenya, I won’t lie that I love Christmas and idolize it like most but I learnt this Christmas that it’s about family.

The typical Kenyan Christmas preparations begin with colossal amounts of shopping for those who can afford it. But even for those with meager incomes afford themselves the financial stretch to get a ‘taste’ of Christmas.

Goats, cows and chicken are bought alive and in mass. You see it’s not just about having a fried bird on your plate; it’s about how you slaughter it and prepare it. It’s a ritual. I know this may sound gross to the unfamiliar. But it’s during Christmas that children learn how to slaughter, slice and dice the meat for cooking. Primarily because there is a distant uncle, cousin who seems really cool when they do this and it makes a good story to share when schools open.

The making of Chapatis and Pilau are so integral in the meal. Then for the older folk, Ugali (maize meal dish) is a must have. The saturated air of all the sumptuous meals is inebriating. The crates of sodas and beer for the adults, and the dilute-to-taste juice being swirled and diluted in huge buckets with children hovering around dying for a sip. Every meal is vast in size. It’s a feast, endless eating and drinking and merry making. And if you have a mother like mine, decorations are a must have. My mother has Christmassy decorated table linen for this occasion. It’s an open house for all, especially when you are in the village.

From 6am there are villagers and the late family arrivals banging at the gate ready to make merry. I enjoyed it as a child it was something to look forward to. But now, well, it’s just another day off. Well that was until my best friend; Ashley invited me over to spend Christmas day with her family and some of our friends. Let’s just say the scrooge that was within me fled the premises when I got to her parents’ place.

It was the epitome of a Kenyan Christmas. The warmth of Christmas began with the teasing aroma of Ashley’s mum’s famous Pilau. It made me so hungry. I gladly remembered why I was there; to feast into the late night. There was so much food; there was Mukimo, (a specially made mashed potatoes mixed with beans and corn), roast goat meat, fruits salad, chicken, more chicken and more chicken, Pilau, more chicken. Honey glazed chicken and lemon and garlic chicken. There was kachumbari, (salsa) that was perfect with the roast meat which was all washed down with some soda.

I ate so much sitting upright was a problem. Don’t get me wrong I am an ‘activist’ against gluttony, but there is one day of the year that is excused from the activism calendar; Christmas! However anti- Christmas you are, there is something about a good meal, great laughs and a drink that melts scrooge away! Then there was ice-cream, heaven! Now writing this is just making me hungry. Ashley and I then chose to pick the sweets the children didn’t want to eat (maybe we just took them). It was a fabulous.

I think what I love the most about the Kenyan Christmas I experienced this year, is the fact that it is purely catching up. It’s time to just get to know what each person has been up to. It’s the perfect time for every family member to really find out what the other person has been up to, what they think and what they aspire for without the usual parental patronizing.

I had spent Christmas with my friend last year as well. But it was surreal seeing the same faces again and a year had already gone by. Some of the children were moving to their final year in high school or primary (elementary) school. Some children looked 3 years older than they actually were. They had grown so fast. It was surreal. A year has come and gone and well what to show for it? That thought just gives me chills.

Out of all the things that I have mentioned that I love about my country, this one is universal. Christmas is about the family. A time to share and treasure the bonds that we hold dearest to us, even if it means meeting the annoying relatives!

What people say about Vickie

Nicholas Kairo (Vickie’s brother) on Vickie’s work; ‘it’s a potent thing, it’s her calling …I’ll support her.’

Joseph Gichuru (Shown left: Rehabilitated inmate who worked with Vickie while in prison); ‘Unless someone like Vickie takes charge no one else will introduce the programmes.’

Joyce Gitau (welfare officer / wardress at the Nairobi west Prison); ‘she’s like our link to the outside people..She is always going out of her way…she’s been a good support.’

Quick Facts: Vickie Kairo

1. She is 24 years old and a Business Management Graduate

2. She is a full time volunteer with Nafisika trust, her family supports her. And she does not make any money at all from her efforts in prison.

3. She managed to get in touch with the former VP of Kenya and a fellow compatriot in prison reforms Hon. Moody Awori to strategize for a bigger and better reform programme starting 2010.

4. She was recently selected as the Kenyan delegate to the One young world conference in London from 8th to 10th February 2010.

5. She introduced a programme called Remote Parenting that offers prisoners the chance to interact and mingle with their families through fun days.

6. She recently helped an inmate; Joseph Gichuru, get back on his feet after his release after serving a two year term for cheque fraud. Joseph now wants to join Vickie on her mission to restore the dignity and self respect in inmates.



Quick Facts on Nafisika Trust;
1. Nafisika Trust is a registered organization under Kenyan law

2.It is made up of four volunteers with Linda Maruti as Vickie’s right hand person who assists in sourcing for donor support.

3.There are two key programmes that Nafisika Trust Offers; the Prison programme, called Second chance and The adult home school. The adult home school is centered on providing domestic workers with the necessary education they need to live and help achieve their goals and even restore their esteem. The adult home school programme currently has a 28 year old domestic worker who they have been teaching since March 19th 2009.

4. Nafisika plans to introduce a business class in 2010 in the prisons

5. It works with literate and highly educated prisoners as support staff to teach in classes as well as assisting in understanding the inmates needs better.

6. It works with a lesson plan and timetable and run classes from 2 to 4.30pm Monday through to Friday.

7. Nafisika uses the Kenyan educational curriculm;8-4-4. And has tailor made the curriculum to fit within the prisoner’s sentence and their interests.

If you’d like to know more or help Nafisika Trust out in any way, you can email nafisika@gmail.com

Correcting Corrections: Vickie Cairo

I was fishing for a new story. I wasn’t looking for anything fancy. I just wanted to meet the average person who has chosen to use the little they have to make a difference. I know; it sounds simple doesn’t it? Just roll out of bed and help people because I can. But the truth is, it takes courage and heart to keep giving of yourself when there are no immediate returns.


I didn’t have to take a bus trip or have to go through personal assistants or security personnel. A friend introduced me to Vickie Kairo. (above right) When I met her we just hit it off. She is such a jovial person, with a warm heart, very open and on a mission. I would call her the face of correctional reforms in Kenya and beyond!

Vickie is currently a volunteer teacher at the Nairobi West Prison in Kenya’s capital. Nairobi West prison is a minimum security prison for men that opened its doors to the public in 2002. Vickie was introduced to the prison on New Year’s Eve of 2006. She had joined a local church on a charity visit; the usual nothing, extraordinary.

The first step…
But it was from that initial visit at the prison that got Vickie thinking, ‘there is something that I have…maybe I can offer my skills’. She approached the welfare department of corrections, which facilitates the prison education programme that took her on board. But it was all on a volunteer basis. (left: Prisoners during the Christmas Fun day on December 16th at the prison)

Vickie received support from her family who helped her raise the necessary monies to buy text books and stationery for the prisoners. She started off teaching the interested prisoners, who were drop outs, elementary Math, English, and Guitar lessons. The elementary levels vary. The prisoners are first evaluated by the Welfare officer and then taught according to their proficiency.

Three years on, Vickie has now partnered to form Nafisika Trust. Nafisika is a Swahili word that means to come out of poverty and bring into well being! Currently Vickie works with three other volunteers with an array of skills; early childhood education, literature, business management and Information Technology.

Humility and purpose
What I appreciated about Vickie is that it is clear she does respect the inmates. She has given them the power of choice rather than the rudimentary bark and execute approach that most prisoners are used to. The courses that Nafisika trust offers range from basic guitar and music lessons, basic computer skills, and elementary education. Vickie believes that it is from this approach to education in the prison system that people will, ‘look at them [ex-inmates] in society and say, “now this guy made something out of himself”. Vickie avidly adds, ‘I want to see these guys’ lives change’.

What Nafisika Trust offers is an opportunity for prisoners to explore their interests, rather than the usual imposed duties such as fixing license plates or carpentry. Nafisika has given them what they hope to get behind the confines of the walls, a second chance and dignity!

Campaigner
Vickie recently visited with a friend in Belgium, and also toured a prison in Holland to get a feel of a different correctional system. She also lobbied to get computers for her students who direly need the equipment. She was pretty persuasive because right now she is awaiting the arrival of the computers. (Right: Vickie & Kinda of Nafisika Trust)

There is so much that Vickie has in store for Nafisika trust and education in correctional facilities. But what convinced me that Vickie was in this for the long haul was when she said, ‘I just find my purpose in that.’ The passion that I saw in Vickie on a recent Christmas Fun day at the prison was just a fraction of the drive she has. She managed to get donations for the prison library. Vickie is encouraging the inmates to read and make the most of their time and their lives while in prison.

I finally asked Vickie if she’s ever felt afraid in prison, considering the caliber of the criminals and being a woman in a man’s prison. She simply responded with a smile that she felt safer in prison. I didn’t believe her till I visited the prison, it really is more like a community that wears the same clothes. It was actually, well…safe. In my entire visit I only saw one gun and that was the guard at the watch post.

Steph Jones | Intelligent Optimists | Ode Magazine

Steph Jones Intelligent Optimists Ode Magazine

Patriot's Diary # 24: It's in the shoes

Whether it is the ngolovas (platform shoes), akala (rubber/ tyre sandals), and high tops (trainers from the 80s) or stilettos, Kenyans know how to bring the house down. Dancing isn’t just about moving your body or in some people’s case faking a seizure. It is also about what you wear when you are jigging on the dance floor.

Dance styles have evolved over time like it has all over the world, but Kenyan dance intrigue lies in how we do it. It started off with the popular twist in the 60’s and 70’s. I think that is one of the most universal dances of all times.

But the twist was more than a twirl and a descending twist of the waist from side to side. It was the twirling of the skirts, the huge collars and well combed afros with the platform shoes. Oh! And the side burns, now that made the twist.

Then the 80’s with TV programmes like Solid Gold and Top of the Pops influenced the Kenyan disco era. It was all about the puffy hair, shiny and over sized clothes with three quarter trousers and the Jerri curls. This was the phasing out of the natural look, well for just a couple of years. The Jane Fonda aerobics look; head bands to hold the hair back and the tight leggings and leotards all over the place. The pumps and the frumpy dresses were soo in season. It was tight verses frumpy, who cared, as long as you could swing to the beat, it worked.

Then the late 80s and 90s surfaced. And in came the puffy MC Hammer look, the ‘box’ hair cut and break dancing was on the scene. Break dancing was where all the ‘cool’ people stole the show or got the girls. In Nairobi there was jam session at Florida 1000 (popularly known as F-1).

Jam session was your time to make your big break as a choreographer or singer extraordinaire. Because it was the only time you could sneak out during the day to the disco. And you could fake a believable excuse to tell your parents.

Then the last 90’s and the 00’s revealed the shoulder shaking, neck snapping ‘buffalo’, ‘helicopter’ and ‘kuku’ (chicken) dance styles. Then some lingala flavor with the handkerchief’s flailing in the air, dancing all lined up. Then there’s the ‘airplane’ and ‘helicopter’ move as well. It’s all about the take off into the sunset of the disco ball reflected horizon. Flap, twist, fling yourself or shake your rear. Kenyans are a sight wherever they are dancing, or lying to themselves that they are.

Whether it’s contemporary Kenyan music, Lingala, Zhouk, pop, hip-hop, rock or ethnic music at the different cultural nights, Kenyans don’t dance they rock the building! Twende Kazi!

DE-Colonize Your MIND!

I am not one to impulse buy books, but when I walked into the book store I knew I had to take this book; Abolition! As I have been working on the Patriot’s diary these past couple of months, I have been asking myself why we as Africans hate ourselves so much. It’s really been bothering me. The book Abolition! gave me some insight as to why. The author Richard Reddie takes an interesting look at the link between the initiation of the Transatlantic Slave trade and the depletion and destruction of Africa’s history and artifacts to yield what we are all victims of; modern day slavery mentality .

I am still in the process of reading but my eyes were opened to one key thing. Where is Africa’s history? The only History I know is political, colonial, pre-independence and post independence stories of African states. While I was reading the book it hit me! The first thing that came to mind when I thought of a random African country was their colonial master or their current political turmoil.

Then I thought to myself, wait a minute, we can turn this around. All we need to do is uncover and understand our great past. Great African Scholars like Cheikh Anta Diop and Ali Mazrui have dedicated their lives uncovering Africa’s rich and prosperous past. There have been eyewitness accounts and documentations found regarding the great Kingdoms of Western Africa, reeking of gold, ivory, stone, ebony and incense. There has also been factual evidence of the grandiose Nubian empires with great architecture. And of course we can’t forget the Egyptian’s contribution to modern medicine in their practice of mummification among other medical discoveries.

I was amazed to learn from the book, Abolition, that Greek scholars like Archimedes and Pythagoras studied in Egypt prior to their great contributions to mathematics. I was even more dumbfounded when I read that Zimbabwe, Mali, Songhai and Ghana were great economic hubs. This is the history that we have grown up unaware of. This is the knowledge that we need to restore our pride and eliminate the nonsensical ‘groping in cultural darkness’.

I was watching a Kenyan show yesterday; it was the typical music video entertainment slot. The videos had the usual infamous theme; parties, alcohol, women scantily dressed and gyrating. It really upset me that that is what we have been reduced to. We have sucked in the callous, get rich quick cultural theme from a certain segment of African American culture. All I can remember saying to my friend who was watching the show with me was that we (Kenyans) have lost our pride.

We are groping to embrace a culture and yet struggle to be African. That is my logical understanding as to why we ape the so called ‘brand America materialism’. We are lost and helpless. Since we don’t know where we came from but know where we want to go, we embrace what is close to what we think will lead us to a future of bliss! How do you cure yourself from such a paradox of being proud of who you are and hating who you are at the same time?

The cure to our current infirmity of cultural rape and slavery mentality is simple; research, read and share the knowledge you have. Here are a couple of books to get you on your way to a clear understanding of the grandiose culture of whom we are descendents of; a beautiful African people.

Abolition! The struggle to Abolish Slavery in the British colonies by Richard Reddie

Destruction of Black civilization: Great issues of a race from 4500 B.C to 2000 A.D. by Chancellor Williams

The Origins of Civilization: Myth or reality by Cheikh Anta Diop

Civilization or Barbarism: An Authentic Anthropology by Cheikh Anta Diop

Patriot's Diary # 23: Patriots have opinions…however queer…

I asked a friend what she loved about Kenya and for the first time I met someone who managed to answer that question without gazing into the sky really raking their brains for an answer. She said that she finds it commendable that Kenyans don’t just have an opinion but a political opinion about anything and everything.

As I write this I am still not quite sure whether that is a good or bad thing. Maybe because it can be equated to a higher level of literacy and awareness of what is going on around them? Maybe? I am not sure. I think what I love about Kenyans is the fact that they are so opinionated.

Let me give an example. My friend and I were in the CBD till late and were not quite in the mood to go home and cook meals. We passed by a fast food restaurant to get the famous Kuku sama and chips (grilled chicken and chips) with a sparkling bottle of sugar and cholesterol carbonated in the form of a soft drink. While I was grabbing my chicken from the chicken section I heard my friend laughing and she had a hilarious look on her face.

As we were exiting the restaurant she told me what made her laugh in shock. Her ear studs generated a mini debate on why women detest female genital mutilation. The gentleman behind the counter, whose colleague was busy trying to fish out my tribe and woo me to his fancy soda display, asked my friend why women detest female genital mutilation yet can withstand having their ears pierced.

If I was a female activist extraordinaire, I may have probably run back into the restaurant and pulverized the cashier for asking that question. But I was left stunned wondering how a simple observation dug out such a question. My friend was stunned and said nothing but changed the subject. No form of analysis of that mini conversation can prepare you for reasoning of that kind. I am not quite sure what to think, but all I can say; I found it fascinating. Because he asked the question with childlike innocence.

I know some of you must think I may be psychotic right now, but before you rip your hair out, you need to understand why people will create an entire line of conversation from something simple. Like in my friends case, from ordering chips to a simple observation of pierced ears came Female Genital Mutilation.

I am still stunned and not quite sure what to write. All I can say is you never are quite sure what will come out of a Kenyans mouth. I guess that’s what makes discussions amongst us so engaging. It reeks of controversy, provocation and of course politics. They said it; I report it and right now just sharing that story has left me stunned. I still love Kenya!

Patriot's Diary # 22: Jig to Freedom

I enjoy listening to music, I believe everyone does. I grew up exposed to so many genres of music that attribute to my eclectic taste. I believe that the average Kenyan can attest to growing up listening to anything and everything. From pop, Lingala, R&B, Jazz to rock, house, reggae, zhouk, rhumba, classical music, you name it! Say Billy Ocean, Abba, Lucky Dube or even Lucciano Pavarotti a Kenyan will know who they are as well as their music.

Kenyan music has come from far. From the single Malaika (Swahili for angel) by Fadhili William; what I would term Kenya’s biggest International Hit that Miriam Makeba and Angelique Kidjo sing renditions of, to the band Sauti Soul with the single Lazizi. It’s been a progressive and steady growth and reinvention of music by and for Kenyans. (Right : Fadhili William)

‘Malaika’ is a hit from the 60’s which opened doors to independent Kenya’s musical era, what we now refer to as ‘Zilizopendwa’ (Swahili for once loved). As a child I detested this genre of music! It just sounded…well, old! I remember my mum had a checked case with old mini vinyl records that she would play on the turn table. She would dance jokingly to it, bobbing her head to the sound and telling me tales of her disco phase in the 60’s just after independence. I was a child, what did I know I just called it old people’s music.

I think the music that bridged the generational divide between my parents and us, their children was Lingala. Maybe because my dad played in the car every single time we were in it! But the sound of Kanda Bongo Man, Pepe Kale, Arlus Mabele in the 80’s was something I quite enjoyed. I remember a song by Sam Fan Thomas, that started with the sound of a horse neighing and then Sam saying, ‘Are you ready now’ with a response from a weird sounding crowd saying ‘Yeees’. I loved it. It sounded so funny and it had a ring to it!

(Left: Suzanna Owiyo)

Well that was then, Kenyan music in the 60’s running up to the late 80s was saturated with Congolese and South African hits and a few individual Kenyan greats like Malaika. The rest was mostly British and American Pop and Country music and R&B; what would be termed ‘foreign’.
In the late 90’s Kenya got its young boy band, Five Alive (yes, similar name to the juice) which was the beginning of Eric Wainaina’s and Victor Sei’s careers in music performance and production respectively. To be honest I can’t remember the other three members of the band, but Eric and Victor are the only members of the band as far as I know who are active in Kenya’s music industry.

Fast forward to 2009, and Kenya has seen the re-emergence and appreciation of culturally rooted sounds of Benga and Rhumba. With artists such as Suzanna Owiyo, Tony Nyadundo and Mike Rua’s performances flooded with revelers.

Other genres of Kenyan Music are growing strong; Afro fusion with the iconic Eric Wainaina, Sarah Mitaru and Atemi . A flavor of Kenyan pop known as Kapuka and Genge; Kenyan Hip hop has rocked the young generation of Kenyans, artistes such as Jua Cali, Nameless and Nazizi rocking the youth with these genres. And finally the most recent addition being an artistic explosion of Kenyan funk and House music by bands such as Just a Band. All these genres producing a melodic mirror of Kenya!

(Right : Jua Cali)

I reek of pride each time I witness Kenyan artistes earning international recognition and accolades. Whether it’s at the MTV Africa Music Award (MAMAs) or seeing Suzanna Owiyo mingling with the high and mighty or just performing at Hyde Park in London at Nelson Mandela’s birthday celebrations! Kenyan music isn’t just another sound it’s a musical torrent of Kenyan pride!

Patriot's Diary # 21: It's been a laugh to freedom

I have finally hit the half way mark in finding out the 40 things that I love about being Kenyan. But to be honest, I have been stuck, I have allowed myself to take in so much negativity to the point that I felt like giving up! I even told a friend of mine that I regret setting the bar at 40, I could have done 10! But here I am working on the 21st reason why I love my country.

I was thinking to myself, wait! I have been speaking my mind that must be a good thing after all. I can talk on the streets of Nairobi or any other parts of my country and speak my mind about things that I detest. Maybe if I said it as part of a mob, picketing on a road side, that dynamic might involve tear gas and a few strokes. But the fact that I can hold a microphone to my mouth and raise an opinion on radio or TV is progress on the freedom of speech front.

Freedom of speech has come a long way in this country. I am glad we are at a place where I can speak up against things that I detest in a public place, without worrying about a police informant or CID official arresting me and taking me to a torture chamber. I think Kenyan Comedy has played a role in this. In the late 90’s a trio; Walter Mong’are aka Nyambane, John Kiarie aka KJ and Tony Njuguna, by the name of Redykyulass performed sketches of political satire. They were the first people to publicly dress up, mock and imitate the president and his cronies in his presence. And they would actually leave the retired president Moi laughing his guts out! Now that is progress. And that was the beginning!

Comedy based on politics and imitating Politicians was a big hit! The Redykyulass crew made room for other upcoming artists to also follow suite in this genre of comedy. Then it evolved into ethnic satire that is still rib tickling today! Imitating the accents and the hilarious tendencies that each ethnic groups have!

The current Kenyan King of comedy, Dan Ndambuki aka Churchill is quite a piece of work! He has brought Kenyan Comedy to the next level of successful comedy; making the ‘Mickey’ out of a situation! He does it and does it well. He always keeps you at the edge of your seat when he is on radio masked as a rural teacher admonishing his ignorant audience. He is multifaceted; able to create different interacting characters on air, whether it’s a tea lady or the teacher or just a regular guy on the street! He connects so well with Kenyans of all ages, ethnic backgrounds and economic status.

They say laughter is the music of the soul. I believe that, because in the heat of harsh and unforgiving economic, social and political situation, that we are in as a country, what keeps people sane and ready to work even when they may not enjoy it is the sound of Mwalimu (Swahili for Teacher) King’ang’I in the morning.

I never realized how popular Dan really was, until one day I was in the chemist. The TV was airing the upcoming episodes of Dan’s TV show; Churchill live. One gentleman, who looked like he was in his late forties exclaimed in disappointment; he thought he had missed an episode. When I told him it was airing the following day, the look of relief and child like excitement said it all.

What I love about Kenyan Comedy is the fact that it is such a uniting tool. We laugh to the point of tears together. Because like any other type of comedy, you can only get the punch lines, insinuations, quips and gestures if you understand the culture. And that laughter is something to look forward to in the matatu or your car on your way to work in the morning at six o’clock in the morning. It’s an escape, a reassurance and a gut wrenching booster for your day! Laughter is Kenya’s new driving force.

Patriot's Diary # 20: Peculiarly Kenyan

I had tea with a friend of mine yesterday. He’s a reporter who’s been in the country for a few months now. And he expressed his frustration of certain Kenyan behavior that quite frankly, I also find downright annoying. It brought to the fore some things that purely constitute mannerisms that are uniquely Kenyan, here’s just a taste of what Kenyans are all about!

Pointing with our mouths

We Kenyans give directions in a queer way. First of all let me correct myself, we Kenyans barely give directions. Here’s proof. I asked someone for directions once and they used a landmark, fair enough, then it went downhill from there.

It started off with ‘..unaona ile nyumba ya gorofa? Ukifika hapo enda hivi,(gestures with lips) halafu utembeee hadi mwisho, ukifika mwisho umefika (‘You see the tall building? Once you get to it, go this way (gestures) walk till the end, once you get to the end, you’ve reached your destination’).

Seriously what is that? In what language does that make sense?!
Then the gesturing is always an arm outstretched but so close to your face you can’t see or they point at some building or landmark that is in obscurity or just point with their pursed lips while simultaneously giving you directions. I love Kenyans!

Finish my statement…

We are a story telling country and we all enjoy a juicy tale. I just find it hilarious that people always want you to finish their statements for them. For instance, ‘I was walking down the s….( I expect you to say street). I then I repeat street and continue with my story. ‘When I saw this wo..(I expect you to say woman) who was wearing a red dre (I expect you to say dress)’. You see where I am going with this right?

Initially it irritated me to the core, especially when it was an eye witness giving their account in a TV news story. They expect the reporter to finish their statements for them, when the reporter doesn’t they hold on for a couple of seconds thinking that the reporter will come round. When they realize that that isn’t going to happen, 2 minutes into the interview, they finish their statements. I eventually got used to it and now I just laugh it off.

It’s your birthday, where’s our gift?

I think this was just the hugest shock for me. When my classmates found out it was my birthday one day in primary school I was asked where the presents where. I didn’t quite understand what they meant, but in essence when it’s someone’s birthday (Not everyone, but there are some) you are expected to bring the treats. And not have people treat you.

You get the cake and share the cake and the goodies. And what you get in return? Glad you asked; the birthday song sung in all manner of tonal variations with the ‘I saw a fat monkey and thought it was you’ thrown into it.’ That’s not all, the curtain call, a funky Kenyan rendition of the birthday song…I guess that is the part I prefer.

Alternatively there is also a different kind of birthday ‘celebration’. Your friends, pinch you on your birthday a number of times corresponding to your age. (I never got pinched I scared people away) You are then showered with all kinds of concoctions; rotten eggs, stale milk and other rotten stuff put together. You then proceed to be hosed down and finally, once you’ve cleaned up; you get the coolest surprise birthday cake, goodies and similar singing as the first scenario. The moral of the story, I just cruised through school not telling people when my birthday was, why would I?!

It’s a party every day

Back in the 70’s the leading beer brand, Tusker, had Kenyans drinking themselves so much the government had to curb the drinking. So the beer company, East Africa Breweries Limited, pushed a new slogan; Baada ya Kazi burudika, ni wakati wa Tusker. (After work, relax, it’s time for Tusker). So fast forward to 2009; the Kenyan populace cannot, will not and shall never pass the chance to party.

It is pretty evident in the drinking culture around urban areas. People drink every evening from Tuesday after work till Sunday and still show up to work each morning on time! I find it sad, but fascinating at the same time. I can’t concentrate when I have slept for four to five hours. How about nursing a hangover in that mess?

And the winner of uniquely Kenyan Mannerisms is… Staring

Kenyans can stare. Forget the usual stares at tourists. You need to take a walk anywhere in Nairobi. We Kenyans stare at you to the point of discomfort! It is like there is a boot camp that recruits to train people on staring tactics. Forget water boarding, call up a Kenyan! Kenyans stare at anything.

(Kenyans can out do a lion stare any day)

My cousin once stood at a popular bus terminus in Nairobi’s Central Business District and just stared in the sky for about two minutes. He wanted to see if it would pull people to stare. True to his prediction; when he looked around him a crowd had flocked staring at the sky, pointing asking each other what was in the sky. Yet none of them asked the initiator, my cousin. And he walked away and left the growing crowd gazing at the blue sky on a sunny day! How cruel. But what can I say, it’s all peculiarly Kenyan. You have got to love Kenyans!

Patriot’s Diary # 19: What's that in your hand?

I think one of the most profound questions ever asked, was, ‘what is in your hand?’ It is not so much the physical presence of something in your hand but what your abilities are. I’m not going to ramble on with a ‘Yes you can’ speech, that’s been done and perfected.

I think looking at the average entrepreneur in Kenya says it all. I was going to watch a movie with some friends of mine at Sarit Centre (one of the many shopping malls in Nairobi). There was an ingenious snack idea. It is pretty simple; it is boiled maize (corn) which is then flavored with a sauce of your choice, served in a cup with a spoon.

As we walked into Sarit Centre the aroma of fresh corn just got our mouths watering. We wondered where it came from, then we saw the stand, I think it was called Corny Corner or something with the word corn in it. I remember a parent offering their child a spoonful of the corn and the child seemed to like it. And I thought, maybe I should grab some. I didn’t buy it, but one of my friends got a cup of the chili flavoured corn. Let’s just say after one spoon of the fresh corn melting in your mouth and sliding down your throat, you can’t stop. My other friend and I ate all the corn in the cup.


From a business sense, it is such a simple and effective idea. We are all used to the usual roasted maize doused with lemon and chili powder, from the road side. But this individual just decided to work with a snack that Kenyans loved and re-invented it, to have cheese, chili and other kinds of flavoured corn in a cup! It’s 9 times the price, of the roasted maize (90 shillings slightly over a US dollar) but still affordable, healthy and a decent snack! That is the power of using ‘what’s in your hand’.

Kenyans create and re-create, but the great ideas always shine through. I guess one gentleman by the name Zablon Muthaka must know that best. He was named the 2006 Entrepreneur of the year by Youth Business international; a charity organization sponsored by Prince Charles. Zablon walked away with a $1500 cash prize to show for it.


Zablon is a 26 years old resident of Kangemi, a slum in the outskirts of Nairobi. He has changed and still strives to change his environment by just, well, doing what our mother’s told us to do; clean up after ourselves. He collects and recycles garbage. It may not sound like much, but when you are depressed and unemployed and lowly educated there is a tendency to only see the worst and not do anything about it.


Zablon did something. He looked at his environment sought for help and used ‘what was in his hand’ and is now the proprietor of Beta Bins waste management in Nairobi.
His venture has employed five people, translating to five less families living in bleak poverty. Zablon’s enjoyed an annual turnover of 4,699 dollars. (Right: Zablon Muhaka at a dumping site)


It’s just the beauty of using what’s in your hands. A keyboard is in mine, and this is exactly how I get my bread buttered. I plan to do more with what abilities I have as I work towards that House on the shores of Lake Baringo with a Yacht. I know it’ll happen, because this is Kenya and I know and use 'what I have in my hand'!

Patriot’s Diary # 18: It's Football Country

One of Kenya’s hugest past times is watching sports, and not just any sport, football. This country is football crazy! Walk into any city hangout place, there is always a 42 inch plasma screen beaming a football match.

The football craze isn’t just about the Bundesliga, la Liga , Serie A or English Premier league. It’s also fired up in the local Kenyan premiere league with arch rival teams like Gor Mahia and AFC Leopard. Their respective fans are so obsessed with their teams that that alone would be a cause for verbal exchange. They may agree about everything else, but when it comes to their teams, there is no compromise.

Conversations held by Kenyan football fanatics always constitute terms like ‘our team’, ‘our boys’, ‘we played well’ and many others. Or will state ‘We will be at Emirates stadium this afternoon’ referring to maybe watching Arsenal playing at home against a rival team. There is such an essence of ownership and loyalty by Kenyans to these teams playing tens of thousands of miles away. It is fascinating.

My first experience, watching a live match was electrifying. It was last year when Kenya was playing at home against Zimbabwe for the world cup qualifiers. The crowds, the cha

nts, the bull horns, the Mexican wave; electric. It’s an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world.

The interesting thing about football in Kenya is even if you care less about it like I do; you will still find yourself abreast with the latest news. There were two occasions that I surprised myself. I was upset that Manchester United sold off Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid. The second occasion was when Jose Murinho left Chelsea as manager. I can’t recall his reason for departure. But I still don’t understand why it bothered me so much yet I don’t watch the matches. Though at times I ask for scores for certain matches. (Left: Manchester United's Patrice Evra,a French National of Senegalese descent)

Then there are the big matches and the match filled weekends. You will always know when there is a big match, especially in the English Premiere league. There’ll be chatter in the office about it. People making fun of each other because of the teams they support. Then you’ll have common teasers like Man Useless, referring to Manchester United fans. People branded in team scarves and t-shirts and the taunting phone calls you overhear people having.

I can remember my brother would get three calls during a big match, when and if the first goal is scored, during half time as if they are re-strategizing with Arséne Wenger. And when the final whistle is blown. It is hilarious seeing my brother miserable when Arsenal looses a match.

On a Football match filled weekend on the other hand, you are guaranteed to go deaf! It’s the stadium chaos and noise brought to homes and pubs. The claps, the cursing, the jumping and screaming is blood curdling. It’s like a war zone without any fatalities. Then when the moment arrives and the ninetieth minute whistle is blown, the loosers walk out of the bar with the heads hung as the winners gloat and pour into the streets cheering and hooting.

The rural area is never left behind; with individuals adorning imitations of Ronaldo’s number 7 Manchester United Shirt, or Ronaldinho’s number 80 Milan shirt or even an Argentine shirt with Diego Maradona’s number 10. It’s all about the big names and players that Kenyans care about. I can remember in the 1998 Worldcup, Brazilian Football star Ronaldo was a sensation. So many boys born around that time were named Ronaldo in my rural home. (Right: Arsenal's Emmanuel Eboue an Ivorian National)

There is so much about the football craze in this country that one needs to visit to experience, especially now that the World Cup is knocking on our doors. So the next time you are in Kenya, drop by a local pub and soak in the electric feel of football like nowhere else, cause Kenya is Football country.

Patriot’s Diary # 17: Clothed in Patriotism

It’s been said over and over again that you are judged by your appearance. But it’s always been denoted to be relevant in the business and employment sectors. But how about taking a look at what you are wearing today.

What does it say about you? Is it a tell tale sign of who you really are or is just a cover up?

I love cultural dress for one single reason; it tells on you before you say anything!

(Left: Women clad in Khangas)

You can spot a Ugandan a mile away when they are wearing the Gomasi or Kanzu, a Nigerian by the extensive headdress and rich fabric of the Agbada or the Ghanaians adorned in their outfits made of Kente cloth. There is always something that an African National will wear that will yell, HERE I AM!

In 2004 there was an effort in Kenya to create a national dress. I applaud the efforts of the designers, but it just never kicked off. The Kenyan dress is cannot be stand

ard. How can it be when you are dealing with a multi ethnic nation?

Kenyans may not be flashy like their West African counterparts, but one thing we do and do well is accessorize the different cultural bits and bobs. Dangling wood earrings, a

bangle made of Maasai beads and spruced up leather sandals with Maasai beads and crowned with a kikoy bag.

Another common scene is head wrapping, similar to the Nigerian head dress. Women use, big and bold colours and wrap their hair in dynamic shapes, one Kenyan woman known for this is Orie Rogo Manduli (Shown right). She doesn’t hold back.

Other than just the head wraps I love the all natural look that Kenyan women are adapting losing the relaxed hair. There is a strong authentic African look with dreadlocks and natural cropped afros which make the facial features just pop out! We are a beautiful people.

From the head to the neck to the outfits made of Khangas and Kikois; Kenyans are adorning themselves in the way they know best. Then on our feet other than the sandals and imports from china, Europe and America, some Kenyans were rubber shoes. And when I say rubber, I mean car tyre rubber in the form of what we call Akala. Akala are perfect for a weekend out of town, they are sturdy and strong and mostly men are the ones who wear them.

I love seeing Kenyan men in branded Kenyan rugby or football team shirts. I know you may have expected me to say something more fancy, but I love the way they look. There is just something about a Kenyan guy in a simple Kenya rugby shirt and a pair of jeans with Akalas (shown right)!

All in all, when it comes to dress, Kenyans don’t re-invent the wheel; we just put different cultural elements together and make the most of the diversity we have. Now that’s a flashy way of being patriotic.

Patriot’s Diary # 16: It’s a holiday every other day!

Kenya is the land of holidays, even if there isn’t any great event, we all look forward to a chance to just get away from work and the daily hustle to just , well, have fun! We all love partying in this country.

When the president is making a speech we all keep our fingers crossed for that grand announcement, declaring a public holiday. The list of public holidays that we have isn’t really that unique to most states. Here is what we have.

New Year, Good Friday, Easter Monday, Labour day on May 1st, Madaraka day on June 1st , Idd Ul Fitr (end of Ramadan), Moi day on 10th October, Kenyatta Day on 12th October , Jamhuri day on 12th December, Christmas day and Boxing day.

I think the highlight holidays that we all look forward to are the religious holidays in April and October; that is Easter and Ramadan. The dates vary each year but we all wait in grand anticipation! I think Diwali should also be thrown in the calendar so we can celebrate all religious holidays together…you know one Nation, indiscriminate!

Kenyatta day and Moi Day are days set aside to pay tribute to Kenya’s first and second presidents respectively. Though in recent times Moi day has been a day set aside to reflect and share with the less fortunate members of our society. Kenyatta day is now a day set aside to pay tribute to the country’s freedom fighters who sacrificed and faced persecution for our liberation. There are debates on renaming Kenyatta day to Heroes day, but that still hasn’t happened.
Then we have Madaraka day where we celebrate Kenya’s internal self rule and Jamhuri day is a celebration of our independence.

So that is the gist of the basic structure of our public holidays. What the average Kenyan, me included, looks forward to are the usual declarations; such as Obama winning the election. The following day was declared a public holiday, and then there was the national census day in August this year that we got off. As I type today, I have my fingers crossed that another huge event will take place that will merit a presidential declaration!

I can’t stop chuckling at the thought, I know… I am an opportunist. We all are, being spoiled with so many holidays that I have to admit I don’t really commemorate. I just see it as another day off.

I think it’s because the national holidays are so routine and plagued with boring speeches at one National Stadium. True, there were some things that I enjoyed as a child like the several choir performances. Watching the armed forces meticulously dressed, marching in step past the president in succession; the police, army, prisons, scouts and girl guides and other paramilitary organizations. I loved it. But the monotony just sucks the life out of the celebrations.

You are better of just catching up with friends and dancing your way through it all. Or like I did yesterday, sleep in and just vegetate. I love Kenya, I love our public holidays! I await the next declaration!

Patriot’s Diary # 15: Experience the Brand

Kenyan isn’t just a name it’s a brand. It’s a label you were on your forehead wherever you go. You can’t run away from it. It’s up there with Nike, Oprah, Coca cola, whatever major global brand. Kenya is iconic. It’s one of those countries that even to the most ignorant people on the face of the earth, would have remotely heard of, whether good or bad.

With a brand there is an experience attached to it. Singling out the Kenyan experience is hard, because there is so much to it. I think for some people when you throw the word ‘Kenya’ out there, you’ll get responses like, Jambo, Rafiki, Safari, Maasai, Post Election Violence, Lake Victoria, Waangari Maathai, Maasai Mara, Paul Tergat and for the fanatics; Obama or even Mufasa. So with all the iconic names, phrases and places, what is brand Kenya? I don’t know, it’s hard to pinpoint it.

All I know is that I am proud to say that I am Kenyan wherever I go. I say it loud and proud and I like seeing the responses that that elicits from people. People either become inquisitive or just react with glee or suspicion, acting out on their stereotypical pre-conceptions.

My mother always taught me that I needed to be an ambassador wherever I went. It doesn't matter if I am in a multinational classroom or outside the borders of my country; I am and remain the first-hand brand experience of Kenya.

I won’t lie to you that I always stood loud and proud that I was Kenyan. I did go through the ‘I am leaving this country and never returning’ phase which progressed to profuse denial that I was Kenyan. There are a lot of Kenyans who feel the same way now, as I did. And I believe the same sentiments of spite of your country is familiar to other Africans in the Diaspora . Why? Well it is clear we have been sucked into the imposed brand recognition of damnation and propagate it ourselves!

It’s easy to say that the past 14 posts of the Patriot’s diary are wishful. But it is not wishful, purely because it is what I see and experience each day. I can choose to react and attack and point out what’s wrong. But one thing I have always asked myself, out of all the nationalities in the world, why was I born Kenyan? God knew why, all I can say is that it is something special; a treasure.

The fact that I am of a certain nationality means that I belong somewhere. The fact that I belong and I am someone is something to celebrate! You too are a brand, a beautiful wonder that everyone needs to experience.

I don’t try to be something that I am not, I am proud of who I am, after all, I am Kenyan! But my mission is to demystify what and who Kenya is. We have historical tragedies and mistakes and governance issues that people are curious about. I don’t believe in being dismissive about it. I accept it’s a reality but I advocate being part of the positive change.

In Kenya, the government has paid an arm and leg to build a ‘Brand Kenya’ to boost the economy through tourism. And I’ve just realized, instead of re-creating ‘Brand Kenya’ as the iconic tourist destination, not to down play that. But maybe the brand isn’t the wildlife and scenery. The brand is the people.

We are the endorsers of the brand! We are Kenyan. Shake my hand, walk past me on the streets, buy chewing gum from a hawker, take a bus ride across the city and endure a preacher in the bus. You just experienced the brand; Kenya.

What I love about brand Kenya is you don’t have to create a notion of its experience. All you need to do is be around a Kenyan! I don’t need an endorsement deal to get rich. All I need to do is wake up in the morning and interact with people, and let others experience me. I know it may sound vain, but the truth is brands are there to be experienced. I am Kenyan, and I am the proud brand!

Community based Slum Upgrading

By saving 20 Kenyan shillings (approximately 30 US cents) a day, residents in one of Nairobi's informal settlements managed to raise 1.5 million Kenyan shillings (approx. 20,000 US dollars)
And now they are living in their own homes.

Patriot’s Diary # 14: Kenya, a land of wealth

Kenya’s known for a lot of things, her natural resources, her culture, her food and yes of course her athletes. Our soil is the bosom of our nation. It yields so much; minerals like salt, limestone, gold and fluorspar, horticultural produce like flowers, fruits and notably our premium tea and coffee.

This country’s soil is rich and ripe. There is so much more in our fields, guava fruits, potatoes; sweet and Irish, green grams, maize (corn), sugarcane, kales, cabbages and other greens. I can get fresh oranges, pears, plums, bananas, arrow roots, beans, rice, wheat, coconuts, pineapples, cashew nuts, sisal, and cotton. The list goes on and on. This is from my soil, my country, and I take great pride in that.

You may ask, why it is people are starving, impoverished and in distressed. That is a valid question; you may know the answer; corruption, inequitable distribution and maybe pure idiocy. Not all is well, but I believe it is important to recognize that I am fortunate to live in a nation where I can get fresh food, fresh milk and not rely on powdered and processed food. Right now I want to enjoy the great things, so that I can then learn how to take care of them. Being a good steward of what you own or have, only comes from appreciating what that object, person, product does or is.

The womb of this nation has borne a strong work force, a vast education of cultural, school and street smarts. It doesn’t matter who you will interact with, weather it is a CEO with a Phd in Philosophy or a janitor who knows how to make profits from his local kiosk sales. There is vast knowledge and initiative.

We have entrepreneurs. There was a story some years back, of a Kenyan in a remote village who was constructing a plane similar to the one the Wright brothers built in 1903. It may seem like old news, but the fact that someone will spend time and effort to do that is a sign in itself of greater things. I have seen stories on Kenyan news of a teenager in Kisii, a town in western Kenya, who created a radio powered by hydroelectricity, teenagers starting up radio stations from their huts, and young entrepreneurs revolutionizing the entertainment industry in Kenya. The list is endless. That is Kenyans within Kenya.

A lot of economies and industries have Kenyans behind them, be it a Southern African country, a flower farm in Afghanistan, a Kenyan Cocoa farmer in Ghana. They are everywhere. Like any corporate tycoon who wants to spread an empire and maintain their grip on economies. Kenya is like a giant that is unaware of its grasp on global economic clout.

We have professors bestowing knowledge on other citizenry. We are rich with entrepreneurs, diligent teachers and professors, amazingly gifted doctors and nurses, architects, aeronautical engineers, entertainers and dedicated service men and women in uniform serving in other nation’s armed forces. Even though we are spread across, Kenya has a stamp across the globe. All we need is to nudge each other in the right direction, because Kenya is a wealthy empire, an empire I am proud to be part of and striving to steer toward reaching its potential, maybe not just its potential but it’s destiny!

Patriot's Diary # 13: Kenya, the land of opportunity

My friend told me the other day that Kenya is a land of opportunity. I looked at her a bit baffled and said that I didn't think so. But after today it just popped out and yelled." I am Kenya, Your opportunity.
Most of the time we walk around huffing and puffing about what could be better in this great land, when the answer is pretty simple. Stand up and seize the opportunity.

I had wanted to be a journalist for so long and it just scared me when I got to work in a media house and realized that I could live my dream. I dilly dallied for close to two years. I wanted to make a subtle entry into TV journalism. Yeah I know, how subtle can that be? I was just jittery about all the unknowns and the prophecies of doom. It's not like a meteor would land on me from space in the middle of the shoot. But the truth is, I felt that something of that magnitude would happen.

I was in a comfort zone,seated behind a desk, getting bored by the day. But the first to yell and talk to the TV reporters about lousy stories, cool angles that I thought their stories could take. Whenever I was asked why I hadn't joined the TV news team, all I said was, one day I will. The opportunity was staring me in the face, but I just didn't want to see it.

A good friend and a respected reporter; Abdi Osman, was a great audience to field my ideas and he really encouraged me. So slowly by slowly, more like my best friend was hounding me about it. She's my accountability partner as well, I realized it was time to quit the talk and walk it. That's how Africa's Solution Now came along and slowly by slowly I gained the confidence to do the right thing. Seize the opportunity to live my dream.

Abdi guided me to check out the BBC training website which I did.I did some exercises on the site and was fired up and ready to rock the camera. I spoke to the managing editor and got a camera to shoot my first news story. I prepared a script to get me going and as a guide for the shoot. I rehearsed my sign off in the house, God knows how many times. I was ready.

On the shoot today, as I had been forewarned and learned from the BBC training website, not everything goes according to plan. The shoot was more like a new plan, because most of the things that I had planned went down the toilet. But the beauty of it all is I enjoyed myself. I am in a queue to edit my story now. I am ecstatic and all I can say is BRING IT ON! Kenya's and Africa's stories need to reach out to Africans and build them and that's what's I am going to do.

I don't know how it works in other countries, but from my own experience, it doesn't seem to matter where you live on the globe, if you look at your country, take pride of it with all it's flaws, the opportunity is there, just look at it. I kid you not, I know of a Kenyan who owns a flower farm in Kabul...yes the capital of Afghanistan and has a thriving flower export business.

Opportunity is around you everywhere, look around you, what do you feel in your heart that you want to accomplish? Take the first step, however scary it seems and go for it! Because like your country, my home is a land of opportunity.

Patriot's Diary # 12: It's in the roots

Today I attended a meeting that I honestly had no intention of attending. It was my best friend who convinced me to. I left that meeting with so much; part of which gives me a reason to celebrate my country.


One of my friends said something and I thought deeply about it. He mentioned tradition. I thought of my family instantaneously. From our naming systems, our food, our relationships with the elderly, how to farm, cook meals and even funeral ‘feasts’; there is a cultural system in which all Kenyans are born into. I don’t appreciate everything about our traditional practices. There are some traditions I consider outdated and just crude. But there are some things that I admire and wouldn’t change for the world.



I am from the Luo community; we are known to name our children the most preposterous and agonizing names known to human existence. Some children are, as you may have guessed, called Senator after now President Obama. So you’ll finda child’s first name is Senator Barrack Obama, then you’ll have a middle name and the surname. Ridiculous I know. It embarrasses me at times, but it makes life all the more hilarious.



In my family all the children have two English names, a Luo name and our paternal grandfather’s name, which is not unusual. Not in the case of my family, but normally the first born girl is named after her paternal grandmother, first son after the paternal grandfather and so on. It is a naming system that serves to preserve the family lineage. I was named after my maternal great grandmother. I have been told great stories about her. She was an amazing woman with a big heart and an adorer of her grandchildren.



My mother is a great story teller, an ability that was passed on to her from her parents and grandparents. I have heard amazing tales of my great grandmother,she was a woman who grew up illiterate; was educated in a mission church as an adult, was a great business woman, great cook and nurture. Her life's tale fascinates me, I think of what it would have been like living during her time. Would I have beena s bold beautiful and strong as she was? Mygreat grandfather fought for the British in World War one. He was a man with a great sense of humor, loved to have fun and would walk like Charlie Chaplin to entertain his grand children.



Some stories seem ridiculous like my grandfather wrestling a leopard. Maybe it’s true maybe it’s not. But one thing I am sure of, is that the Africans of his time were stronger, had a bigger build and healthier. My genes tell me so; I am 5’9” and the shortest in my family.



I wonder at times if any one in my family’s history was what I would call ‘an African sellout' . One who sold his neighbours for spices or sugar, into slavery? It is something I think I will find out. It is a question that lingers in my mind a lot. It saddens me what became of the African American, Caribbean and other Africans lost in the slave trade. Their entire ancestry was brutally stripped from them.


That realization makes me appreciate my fortune; knowing where I come from, my ancestry. It is tangible, through my name I know who I am, where I am from and what traditions I need to pass on to my children, children’s children and my children’s’ children’s’ children. Be it a name, how to cook a traditional meal, how to dress, how to respect their elders, adulthood or even take care of a home. I have a duty to ensure the longevity of my heritage, my tradition.



The world we live in may see this as ‘not being with it’. But the question we should all ask ourselves is why should we loose who we are for a fad that will be gone tomorrow? Who I am isn’t just a name. When you call me, you are acknowledging that I am not just another random person, but a representative of a rich tradition, part of rich African history and story to celebrate for ages.
I am grateful each and every breathing day that I am part of such great ancestry, swhich makes this country so great!

Patriot's Diary # 11: It's Kenyan if it's a Bargain

In Kenya everything is about bargaining, whether its fare to commute to a destination, buying a shoe in a store or even buying fruits from a market, everything is a bargain.

The fascinating thing about it is, you can be seated in a matatu (minibus) to the same destination but passengers pay different fares. Because it’s all about how well you manage to convince the conductor, that that's all you can afford. It does not work all the time, but you are never penalized for trying your luck.

Then there is the ‘don’t speak fluently when shopping for second hand wares’ rule. Opening your mouth and speaking English may be a reward in other sectors, but when you are shopping for second hand wares, the language of sale is Kiswahili or Sheng (colloquial Kiswahili). If you speak English it equates having a lot of money or just being clueless about the cost of things. In short a lack of street smarts. I learnt that the hard way. I was talking to someone on the phone in English while I was looking for a pair of jeans. There was a lady who had shopped ahead of me and I overheard her ask the price of a pair of jeans I was eyeing. It was six hundred Kenyan shillings.

Now my megaphone voice gave me away. By the time I got off the phone and asked the price of the same pair of jeans it had gone up by fifty percent. Let’s just say it was a long haggle to get the price down. But like I said, everything’s a bargain! I got MY price.

I have even bargained my way to a cheaper price for roast maize (corn) on the side of the road. There was a guy who sold half a cob to me at 7 shillings and I only had 5 shillings in coins and I got it!

There’s the bargaining and then there is the Kenyan culture of entitlement to free things. It’s free, it’ll be given to you, but when the supplies run out its chaos. When I was a sales promotion person; aka the annoying sales person in a store who convinces you to buy commodities you don’t care about.

There was one promotion I did where we walked around with huge bags stuffed with close to 1000 samples of FREE toothpaste. I know a sample is free, but I need to drum in my point. The mission was to get consumers sampling the new brand of toothpaste. Initially people were skeptical about what we were giving out. So we’d walk up to individuals on the busy street and hand them a single box and tell them that it’s a new sample. Some said no, others just thought we were giving them empty boxes and that there was a catch.

Slowly people began warming up to it and we became the center of attention in Nairobi's CBD. Soon enough we were swamped from all ends; people yanking on the bag straps, others reaching out and wrestling each other to get closer. It’s all for the love of free. People were shouting to get my attention, a couple of winks from gentlemen. People called me ‘Aunty’, ‘siste’, others exclaiming out loud ‘Aki aunty pia mimi’ (aunty, sister, aunty me too). It was scary, but I stood my ground and waltzed off from the scene with my empty bag; my mission was accomplished.

I think the classic sign of the love for free is the late night calls when we all know Safaricom, Kenya’s largest Mobile telephone provider, slips up. I would be called at 3am to let me know of the ‘free’ calling period. I too would exploit it to just call and tell the other person that they can call for free. People would call all night and call all the random people in their phone book just to utilize the ‘free’ window. Well that’s changed now. When that happens and you do call, the next time you top up your phone credit, it is charged, so free does not exists, well at least in that context.

Unbelievable or not, that is just the tip of the iceberg. If you really want to know more and really experience a good bargain? Kenya’s the place to be. I love this country!

Patriot's Diary # 10: It's not food, it's a ritual

After a long day of eating myself senseless and being absolutely clueless of

what to write, I realized that my pride and joy of Kenya was resting in my belly! Patriotism is a personal routine, a ritual if I may, that leads me to a shrine of edible delights; food.

In Kenya there is a meal for all occasions. You can go cultural, fast food, cultural fusion, snacks or street food. It’s in your face, at your disposal. But one thing that any visitor to this country will be exposed to is our undying love for our meat! (Right: Ugali & Nyamachoma)

If you are thinking of a party, hang out or just a trip out of town it has to start with Ugali na nyama choma (maize meal dish with barbequed beef) and then there’s the healthy helping of Kachumbari (mixture of finely diced onions, tomatoes, coriander and chili). Then there is mshikaki, beef skewers and for the beer lovers, Tusker Milele. As many say it’s the world’s best beer don’t be deceived by what you hear or see in the ads.

For a cultural meal, you are spoiled rotten. If you want something from the coastal area, you can eat anything from crocodile, octopus, sharks or any sea like delicacy.

But the highlight is Pilau, a rice meal made with various spices; cardamom, cumin, cloves, cinnamon and other amazing ingredients and at times some people mix the Pilau with, yes you guessed it, meat. Oh! And the Biryani; another rice based meal which is a palate seducing mixture of spices and meat of your choice though prepared differently from Pilau. You will notice that a lot of coastal food has a lot of Arabic influence, but either way, it’s deliciously Kenyan. (Right: Pilau)

Central Kenya is the home of mash up heaven from Githeri; a mixture of maize, beans, potatoes and carrots, Mukimo; mashed potatoes and maize(corn) mixed with pumpkin leaves for the perfect finish, mutura (roasted and stuffed intestine) the Kenyan kebab; it sounds gross but it is delicious with some salt and Kachumbari, it goes down so well.

Western Kenya is home of fish and chicken, not just any chicken but what my friends and I call roadrunner. It is the typical domestically reared chicken, which is normally pretty tough so you need to tenderize it first, but it is delicious. Then there’s fish. I was told growing up that if I ate the fish brain (never seen it all these years) I’d be very smart. Still waiting…to see the fish brain that is. The next time you’re in Western Kenya, make sure you grab some fresh deep fried tilapia with ugali and sukuma wiki (maize meal dish and khales) and eat it by the lake side….to die for!

Northern Kenya, you’ll also be exposed to some great delicacies of fish. Travel around with the nomads and have a gulp of camel milk, or a ‘milkshake’ of blood and milk common amongst nomadic Kenyan communities, or better still try chasing the game for a fresh meal of , yep, you guessed it, roast meat!

There is one household delicacy that Kenyans give credit to our Indian community for and that is the Chapati. It is a ‘Kenyanized’ version of the Indian Nan. The Chapati can be eaten with anything from tea, green grams, chicken, kales, beef, you name it. If you visit down town eating places (better known as vibandas) you’ll get Chapati madondo, which is just Chapati and beans, which will have you singing to the roof with delight!

There’s so much more, from millet porridge, traditional milk like mursik (fermented milk mixed with charcoal), sweet potatoes, and arrow roots. Cultural vegetables like managu, mto, murenda and osuga are a favourite at cultural resturants. Snack heaven delicacies like samosas (deep fried dough pockets filled with any thing from meat, veggies to green grams), mahamri, mandazi, these are all deep fried pastries, njugu karanga (groundnuts) you name it.

The list doesn’t end, try street food, where you can get anything from a regular fruit or a peeled and sliced pineapple, sliced water melons, peeled mangoes on the go, sliced and diced sugar cane, to refresh you on a hot day or just try out some roasted or boiled maize or hey, maybe a boiled egg (fondly called Boiro) with Kachumbari.

Then there’s fast food. The one word synonymous with Kenyan fast food, and I know my country men agree, Kenchic. It is chicken with a crispy and juicy halo. You can get it at supermarkets but the place to soak your gab with Kenchic Chicken’s finesse is at the fast food outlets. The Kenchic slogan says, for those who are kuku about chicken.

Believe me, it is angelically tender, every bite, warms your mouth, and tickles your teeth as it slides to the back of your throat. It leaves your cheeks and chin shiny and soaking up the taste. It’s almost like an out of body experience. Divine is the only English word that comes close to describing it. Oh! Wow! I think it’s time for some Kenchic. You have not had Nairobi fast food until you have had Kenchic chicken. (Left: Kenchic Chicken)

Well as I head out to Kenchic it’s pretty clear, the list of Kenyan delicacies is endless. Whether you want to eat healthy, spoil yourself with street food or just choke your arteries with cholesterol. It’s all here in my home, Kenya.